I related to it in a certain way, and I think that is what makes it so powerful: it feels personal while still speaking to something larger. It was also genuinely enjoyable to read, in a strange and beautiful way.
Our styles are very different, but I really, really enjoyed this. I’m going to explore more of your work.
your writing here is so poignant and eerie. i love the use of repeating images and statements, like the girls always seeing the mill and therefore cannot be saved. this was dark. it’s saying something about girlhood that many people would rather look away from (both men & women); that it’s brutal, that some of us get trapped forever. it also speaks to our scariest dreams as women. evocative and powerfully written.
It is way too hot for my brain to grasp at all the beautiful metaphor you've woven into this story, but it's fantastically written. It is a challenge to be a girl. How very true.
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it, and thank you for the proofreader eye on it, haha. I only post first drafts so I'm quite certain that there are a few mistakes left, but i guess in the times of AI that isn't the worst. If I ever decide to do anything with this story, I'll keep your feedback in mind 💛
This is so true. I posted some short stories on here which I have recently revised, and what appeared on here were first drafts. Substack is full of first drafts. I removed mine for that very reason, not a great advertisement for my writing.
Oh, i don't mind my first drafts out in the open. I find them endearing, they help me get to know a writer's voice and their grasp on certain elements and skills. I find that I enjoy new reads way more when it's not overly polished and cut in shape
I hope you find your desired readership, though 💛 it's always such a nice feeling to see people enjoy a piece of writing
agree with the comment that compares this to an allegory!! this was so so beautiful in the most haunting way. LOVE LOVE LOVE your short stories
This feels like much more than just a story; it feels like an allegory. Une allégorie for something deeper - a combination of symbols, a weaving together of images and meanings that creates something profoundly universal.
I related to it in a certain way, and I think that is what makes it so powerful: it feels personal while still speaking to something larger. It was also genuinely enjoyable to read, in a strange and beautiful way.
Our styles are very different, but I really, really enjoyed this. I’m going to explore more of your work.
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment, Jeanne. I'm glad it spoke to you and I hope that you'll find some more pieces to enjoy 💛
your writing here is so poignant and eerie. i love the use of repeating images and statements, like the girls always seeing the mill and therefore cannot be saved. this was dark. it’s saying something about girlhood that many people would rather look away from (both men & women); that it’s brutal, that some of us get trapped forever. it also speaks to our scariest dreams as women. evocative and powerfully written.
It is way too hot for my brain to grasp at all the beautiful metaphor you've woven into this story, but it's fantastically written. It is a challenge to be a girl. How very true.
The men hear nothing at all 😒
Right in front of them even, can you believe
I do in fact believe it quite easily lol 🙄🙄🙄
That is a fine story, wonderfully written, thank you.
There are a couple of corrections you may wish to make:
There’s always a night where he roses do not close. he > the
The miller did not touch her when he arrived at her side, knelt down and kindly pulled her up, but it was know that he would later. know > known
Once a proofreader, always a proofreader.
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it, and thank you for the proofreader eye on it, haha. I only post first drafts so I'm quite certain that there are a few mistakes left, but i guess in the times of AI that isn't the worst. If I ever decide to do anything with this story, I'll keep your feedback in mind 💛
This is so true. I posted some short stories on here which I have recently revised, and what appeared on here were first drafts. Substack is full of first drafts. I removed mine for that very reason, not a great advertisement for my writing.
Oh, i don't mind my first drafts out in the open. I find them endearing, they help me get to know a writer's voice and their grasp on certain elements and skills. I find that I enjoy new reads way more when it's not overly polished and cut in shape
I hope you find your desired readership, though 💛 it's always such a nice feeling to see people enjoy a piece of writing